Sasha Slovic, the boy wonder who chugged his way to victory at the 1968 US Milk Drinking Championship, is hanging up his cup at the end of the season. “After 45 years of drinking milk I feel like it is time to move on with my life,” said a weary but fit Slovic from his…
No matter how you slice it, nothing beats a March Madness party with hometown eats. Look, I wrote a story about it.
Remember Valentine’s Day when you were a kid, and you passed out little cards to everyone in your class, and everyone in your class passed out little cards to you? This story I wrote for Rascal House ain’t nothing like that.
I’m gonna sue Bob the Builder for everything he’s worth. That sonofastupidpencil built a deck on the back of my house and it’s already falling apart! I know, I know, the deck was made out of cartoon materials. I know what happens when paper gets wet. But it cost me a lot of money. Bob…
Police responded to a disturbance last Tuesday at approximately 6:55 PM in the parking lot at Arby’s on James Street. An elderly woman named Miss Othmar, who played the teacher in the Charlie Brown TV specials, was taken into custody and later released on $25,000 bail. Surveillance video of the entire incident was secured and…
Even though Rick and Frankie couldn’t afford to go places, the billboards that swallowed their houses took them to other worlds. They’d sit up on the hill that overlooked the valley and write stories about people who wear fancy clothes and sip Champagne in luxury cars. Frankie wasn’t “the girl next door” even though she…
Every now and then I get an opportunity to write a story about an American family trying to find their way in this world. Under the pseudonym Rascal M, of course.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful that 36 years ago Rick Springfield released “Don’t Talk to Strangers.” This gave me all the more reason to talk to statues. Which is what I did last month when I was writing this story for a client.
The street vendor on Literary Road sold three things: hot dogs, Lay’s potato chips and Pepsi-Cola. Four if you counted lively conversation, five if you had the privilege of listening to his radio when Indians games were on. The last two were free as long as you bought one of the first three. In May…
Hi. I’m Sebastian Testerfrogmosin. I have the world’s smallest top hat. Please don’t look at it. You just looked at it, didn’t you? That’s okay. All you have to do is say 3 Hail Marys, 2 Our Fathers and 1 Act of Contrition. Then send 3 million dollars in unmarked bills to my address in Dearborn,…
One morning before school Little Joe was sitting on a park bench surrounded by crows. Little Joe had a crush on a girl named Kathleen. Kathleen was a cheerleading captain. She had an award-winning smile and a multitude of impeccable physical features. But Kathleen was too busy dating Chet Farkus to notice that Little Joe…
When I look at a slice of Rascal House pizza, I look deep into the eyes of its toppings. I imagine their lives, where they came from, their dreams and aspirations. Then I write a story about them.
They say never trust a guy with two first names. What about two last names? Smith Jones walked in just in time to hear Cleveland State tip off against Butler. It was two days before Christmas, 2011. “What’ll it be, Mac?” asked the barkeep. “It’s Smith Jones, not Mac. Give me a pint of your…
“So you see officer, the customer told me he was looking for a fast running shoe. I said, ‘that’s strange, a fast running shoe just came in this morning. I laced it up and put it over there with the rest of the shoes on the wall. Then I left the other one in the…
Here’s something I wrote 10 months ago, but it’s Father’s Day so I’m posting it again. Happy Father’s Day, Dad! Although his ended tragically, Ernest Hemingway led an interesting life. Writer, outdoorsman, celebrity. He was also a salesman because he knew how to persuade in 6 words or less — “For sale: baby shoes never…
Recently, at a trade show snack bar at McCormick Place in Chicago… Sometimes my ideas start on cocktail napkins. I was coming up with something for the flux capacitor. I took a long look at the logo on the napkin in front of me, my scribbles and sketches of flux capacitors alongside it. It was…
In 1909 Jack London wrote a story called “A Piece of Steak” for The Saturday Evening Post. It’s about a boxer named Tom King. King is broke, hungry and at the end of his career. In 2018 I wrote a story about a big, juicy hamburger. It, too, got to the meat of the matter.…
i make words go vroom. 