The Christmas Of 1998

Even though Eunice was not quite two she had already had her share of meaningful conversations with imaginary friends. My wife, a victim of last minute gift wrapping, was fast asleep in our bedroom. Eunice was playing in the living room amid a pile of books, stuffed animals and unopened presents. The Christmas tree, dressed…

Abuse Runs Deep At Scrooge & Marley

It happens every Christmas. A cheap, insensitive curmudgeon named Ebenezer Scrooge gets spooked by a dead business partner named Jacob Marley and three ghosts. He becomes nice. Then at some point down the road he gets mean again.  Until the following Christmas when he gets nice – again. How soon after Christmas does Scrooge fall off…

Nobody Folds Like A-1 Folding

Let A-1 Folding fold everything you have lying around your house or business. Shirts, pants, chairs, blankets, beach towels and more! Wrote something down on a piece of paper, but it won’t fit in your pocket? Give it to us! We fold everything! We once took a dollar bill and folded it into thirds so…

The Pitch

EFG Window Washing, LLC. Cleveland, Ohio. A clear summer day overlooking Lake Erie. Do you like books? One of the things I like about books is their ability to tell stories that make people want to read them over and over again. I studied history in college because history majors are required to read a…

Purple Crayons

I loved purple crayons when I was a kid. Loved every shade of them. Loved the way they smelled, even though all crayons smell the same. My brother and I colored pictures in the living room. He made sure to use all of the crayons evenly so one wouldn’t wear out more than the others. […]

A Boy Talks To Crows About A Girl

One morning before school Little Joe was sitting on a park bench surrounded by crows. Little Joe had a crush on a girl named Kathleen. Kathleen was a cheerleading captain. She had an award-winning smile and a multitude of impeccable physical features. But Kathleen was too busy dating Chet Farkus to notice that Little Joe…

The Fence Painter

To Joyce. Because of you, every day is Valentine’s Day. According to Tom Sawyer, nothing makes roses more colorful than a white picket fence. It’s why he got into painting fences in the first place. That, and because he loves the rhythmic motion of painting — up and down, back and forth. And no one…

The Soda Jerk

He steps out of the car and runs to the other side to open the door for Rachel. They are in the parking lot of South Newburg High for his thirtieth reunion. Class of 1955. He’s hoping someone saw the gesture but it looks like everyone’s already inside. He almost didn’t get his invitation. June…

Santa Claus Wins 1984 Lifetime Achievement Award

(Las Vegas) Santa Claus has won the 1984 Lifetime Achievement Award. He beat out countless others, living and deceased, like Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and that guy from the Coke commercial who wanted to teach the world to sing. Santa thanked everyone who made this award possible. His elves for making toys. Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,…