The Trouble With Cartoon Contractors

bob the builder

I’m gonna sue Bob the Builder for everything he’s worth. That sonofastupidpencil built a deck on the back of my house and it’s already falling apart! I know, I know, the deck was made out of cartoon materials. I know what happens when paper gets wet. But it cost me a lot of money. Bob should’ve told me to take the deck inside when it rains. He was only concerned about the money. Once I paid him, he was out of there. Like Boog Powell trying to steal a base off Johnny Bench. This is the last time I work with cartoon contractors!

What’s that? I’m being a jerk? Okay smarty pants, let’s see what you do if you ever you ask one of your so-called cartoon friends to engage in a real-life business transaction with you. Yeah, take Spiderman, for instance. Pay him $50 an hour to do your taxes. Yeah, I know he’s a superhero, but that doesn’t mean his work is indestructible. And don’t even get me started on those turds from Scooby-Doo! They’re stoned out of their minds. Why do you think they keep seeing ghosts? And why do Shaggy and Scooby always have the munchies? Classic dope heads, that’s why!

No, I’m not going to pay Bob another dime! There should be a warranty on his work. I’ll only let him come back to my house if he makes it right. Aside from the paper cuts, sitting on that deck was a lot of fun. You should’ve seen the look on Joyce’s face when everything got soggy. I thought she was gonna say, “I told you so!” But she bought into Bob’s offer as much as I did. We trusted him. Hell, our kids practically grew up with him.

Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna give him a bad review on Angie’s List. Then I’ll call the Better Business Bureau. One way or another he’s gonna pay. And I’ll make sure that no one in our world ever hires a cartoon contractor again. Except maybe Handy Manny. Does he take work outside of Sheetrock Hills? Ask around and let me know. Yeah, maybe Manny can make it right. But only if he brings Turner the screwdriver and Dusty the saw. I like those two. They talk when they work but they never stop working.

Whaddya mean what’s gonna happen when it rains again? Did I say I was gonna build another cartoon deck in my backyard? It’s gonna go in our living room. No, I’m not worried about what Joyce thinks. When she sees that deck sitting in the living room, she’s gonna marry me all over again! Nice talking to you, Clark. Say hello to Lois for me.

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