His words don’t taste like donuts. They don’t smell like soap. And I wouldn’t brush my teeth with them if I were you. His words don’t hang on walls like photographs or paintings. They are not murals, although I think they paint a picture about life. Whose life – his I guess. Who is he,…
In light of one employee’s recent attempt to lighten the mood around here, Management wishes to remind you that under no circumstances is an employee of ABC, Inc. permitted to: 1. possess an original thought 2. smile 3. cause others to smile Thank you. Now get back to work! Joseph Schmo, Manager ABC, Inc.
Clarifying Shampoo and Concentrated Orange Juice could not be more different. One is always reminding you that she washes hair; the other always looks like he has something on his mind. One day they ended up next to each other in the grocery cart. “Hi, I’m shampoo! HELLOOOO?! I said, I’m shampoo.” “I heard you,”…
Dear Committee, I would like to nominate a friend for your Lifetime Achievement Award. I feel this person exemplifies what it means to be a special human. Lajos Virost, my friend, is 57 years old. A little young for a lifetime achievement award, but old enough if you ask me. If he knew I was…
It’s us against nobody else in the world. We are in a seat that smells like leather because it is leather, cradled inside cherry red steel with chrome bumpers and running boards. On the dashboard sits Saint Anthony and the grass skirt girl. We are in the memory-making business and business is good. We race…
When I was a boy, nothing beat a night at Grandma’s. It was free, the rooms were nice and cozy, and the award-winning food was, well, worthy of winning lots of awards. Even though she lived in Cleveland, her kitchen was sautéed in southern hospitality and smothered with goodness. One whiff of her chicken and…
He was here. He made an impact on this world. He was a common, everyday man with a few bucks in his pocket. That’s what people told him. Count your blessings. Thank God for the man you turned out to be. You matter. And people are lucky for having known you. The little things. A…
One more time across every bridge in Cleveland circle the flats cross the river smooth, rhythmic strides to Whiskey Island touch the abandoned lighthouse and hightail it to Edgewater knees up, on toes along the sandy beach waves crash against our calves a sandstorm brews like the dust bowl behind us grains inside our socks…
Not all junk mail is bad. If he hadn’t taken the time to open last week’s batch of circulars and special offers, he would have never received the news. News that he was now a full-fledged member of the Adventure Club of North America for Outdoor Enthusiasts. Here’s how: somewhere along the line, someone found…
I think John Wayne and the pilgrims get along for the first couple of days. “I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, pilgrim,” I can imagine John Wayne saying. “Have you seen my hat, pilgrim?” “Are you gonna finish that biscuit, pilgrim?” “Hey pilgrim, pull my finger!” At first, the pilgrims bite their tongues and…
“Hello boys and girls. I must say, I feel honored to be standing up here in front of you today. To think, the Benjamin Franklin 5th grade Career Day! It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in your seats. Does anyone know what a drover is?” I pan a sea of blank faces and…
As a kid growing up in Cleveland in the 1970s I dreamed of two things happening. One, the Cleveland Indians would make it to the World Series. And two, my favorite player would make the highlight reel of This Week in Baseball. Well, the Indians never made it to the World Series. But one of…
i make words go vroom. 