Let A-1 Folding fold everything you have lying around your house or business. Shirts, pants, chairs, blankets, beach towels and more! Wrote something down on a piece of paper, but it won’t fit in your pocket? Give it to us! We fold everything! We once took a dollar bill and folded it into thirds so our client could insert it into a parking lot pay box. “Why didn’t I think of this?” said the happy customer who eventually saw his parking fines nearly cut in half.

We live in a rapid world, always rushing about. We don’t have time to fold things. I myself didn’t take up folding until I realized my 18 pairs of pants would stay neater if I wasn’t always stuffing them into drawers. Unfortunately, I took the costly route to discovering there is a better way. I cut those slacks in half and committed to wearing shorts full-time. When winter came, I was reminded I live up north and it snows a lot. Then I had an epiphany. Folding pants prevents frostbite better than turning them into shorts.

I contacted a local organization for seed money. They thought I was crazy. “We’re going to invest money in a folding company?” But they agreed to meet me.

When I arrived, I took my pants off and showed them my trademark creases. “Not bad. But we just don’t see a need for your service. And please, put your pants back on!”

Desperate, I folded some wooden chairs and card tables, at least 4 sets of them, that were in the room. They had no idea this was possible. They even hired a contractor to see if he knew how to make the chairs smaller so they’d have more room. But the contractor was just as stymied as they were.

After seeing what I could do, their eyes got bigger, their grins grew toothier. I wondered if this is how Little Red Riding Hood felt. I wanted to say, “My, what big teeth you have,” but I didn’t think it was the proper venue.

I brought up all the events that take place in Public Hall every week. Did you know those chairs need to get folded? They said, “You’ve done your homework. How much do you need?” I walked away with enough money to get A-1 Folding started. I’m happy to report we nearly broke even last year. You see, A-1 Folding believes anything can fold.

Later that month…

A-1 Folding folded early this morning and will be laying off 200 employees. Workers spent the day folding boxes to put their personal items in. Representatives from the company could not be reached for comment. Alanis Morissette took to Twitter and had this to say about A-1 Folding folding: “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? A little too ironic, yeah, I really do think.”

I was so busy with my business that I had no idea a famous singer-songwriter was following it. I called Ms. Morissette at 555-555-5555 and asked her if she’d like to buy A-1 Folding, maybe throw us a lifeboat:

She said, “You Oughta Know.”

“I oughta know what?”

“Thank U.”

“Thank you for what? I’m not following.”

“I got my Hand in My Pocket.”

“I got mine on my phone and the other one is barely holding on to a company. Can you help us?”

“Head Over Feet.”

“So, yes?”

“You Learn.”

“Learn what?”

“Hands Clean.”

“Yes, I washed them this morning.”

“Uninvited.”

“Since when do I need an invitation to wash my hands?”

“All I Really Want.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“That I Would Be Good.”

“Save our ship and you’ll be more than good, Alanis!”

“Everything.”

“Of course. A large percentage of the business, your own office, spokesperson privileges, whatever you want!”

“So Pure.”

“Absolutely. We use only natural ingredients in our services.”

“Joining You.”

“As soon as you like. I suppose we should make an announcement. There are jobs at stake.”

“Not As We.”

“Yes, all of us. Me, my workers. By the way, you’re going to love them!”

“Precious Illusions.”

“No, I really believe you’re going to love them.”

“Crazy.”

“Just one. But he’s harmless.”

“Right Through You.”

“Sometimes I don’t understand what you’re saying, Alanis.”

“So Unsexy.”

“I’ll shave and get nicer clothes.”

“Too Hot.”

“Okay, maybe just get a haircut then.”

“Guardian.”

“Actually, I’m a biological parent. One kid.”

“Not The Doctor.”

“No, a 5^th grader.”

“I Was Hoping.”

“Maybe he’ll be a doctor one day. Right now he just wants to be a kid, okay?”

“I Remain.”

“Great!”

“Let’s Do It.”

“Great!”

“My Humps.”

“What about them?”

“You Oughta Know.”

“ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME OR NOT?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave a message and I’ll call you back. Thanks for listening to all my song titles!”