Gullible Travels

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My mom was born in 1946. People didn’t have Facebook back then, but they had faces and they were usually buried inside books. One day, while playing at recess at St. Wenceslaus School, my mom had a vision. Jesus and his apostles were gathered at the last supper playing with space age “phones” instead of paying attention to each other. After having this vision a lone tear drop leaked out of her eye and slid down her cheek. She resembled the Crying Indian in that commercial about littering, which is funny because that commercial didn’t air until 1970 and Mom attended St. Wenceslaus in the 1950s. But that wasn’t the strangest thing that happened that day. A nun, after seeing that my mom was experiencing a moderate level of distress, whisked her into the office and spanked her 16 times for crying on school premises. But as each slap made contact upon her rear end my mom laughed and laughed – for she had a copy of Gulliver’s Travels tucked in her back pocket to soften the blows! Had she no book back there she might have incurred serious injuries, which could have resulted in a major lawsuit and sweeping changes by the Church. After the punishment the nun was rushed to nearby Marymount Hospital where she later had her hand amputated. Bewildered that she could actually lose a hand by beating students, the nun vowed to get to the bottom of things by banning pocket sized books. Knowing this would be bad for business, publishers from all around the world contacted the nun to see if they could reach a compromise. Three days later the parochial school skirt was invented.

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